Divorce or Separation To Do List

Protect Yourself During Divorce or Separation By Getting a Good Therapist, Financial Advisor, and Attorney. Divorce and separation bring up so many inherent difficulties. Since this is such a vulnerable time, it is very important to protect yourself by getting a good therapist, financial advisor, and attorney. Here’s why:

  1. 1. Get a Good Therapist

Emotionally, individuals going through a divorce or separation are understandably in turmoil. Should I? Should I not? Why is s/he doing this? I don’t want this. I think I want this. What about the children? So many questions and confusion arise.

Everybody’s situation is different, so unfortunately there is no single correct answer to any of these questions. Additionally, attorneys or Mediators cannot help with the emotional questions. For these types of issues, it is best to set up a support system of friends, relatives, and professionals who can assist.  Forming a relationship with a mental health professional with whom you are comfortable can help immensely during this difficult time. This can be even more valuable than the support of friends or family, who may sometimes tell you only what they think you want to hear, or base their input on their own situations or those of their friends. Since everybody’s situation is different, however, this is not always helpful or relevant.

In a previous post, I discussed in more detail the role of mental health professionals in divorce.

  1. 2. Get a Good Financial Advisor

Beyond emotional concerns, divorce also brings up many practical considerations, especially those centered around money. How will I/we live? How much child support will I get/pay? Will there be alimony? What about health insurance?

It is critical to get the proper help with financial questions. Finding a good financial advisor who has experience working with clients in divorce is invaluable.  S/he can run support numbers, evaluate tax consequences, and provide context for many of the decisions that you will have to make at this time.

In a previous post, I discussed the role of financial advisors during divorce in more detail.

3. Get Good Legal Advice

Equally as important is getting legal advice. Not only is every situation different, but the laws are also always changing. That means what was true 10 years ago when your best friend’s godmother’s niece got divorced is not necessarily true now.

Divorce law can change in two ways: the legislature can make new laws or changes old ones; or the Court can rule on the interpretation of the laws, which may change how the laws are applied in the future. These types of legal changes happen daily. Some are predictable—we are expecting new child support guidelines soon, for example (check back for an update when that happens)—and some are not.

Whether you are in a Mediation or Collaborative process, having an attorney who can provide you with guidance and inform you about the most current law and its application is critical.

In a previous post, I discussed choosing a divorce attorney in more detail.

As difficult as divorce or separation can be, there is no need to wander through the difficult terrain alone. A good therapist, financial advisor, and attorney will help you navigate the journey and arrive on the other side in much better shape.

Putting My Mediation and Collaborative Skills to Work During a Professional Transition

I usually spend my days helping divorcing couples navigate the separation and legalities of ending their marriage or co-parenting through the use of Mediation or Collaborative Practice.  For the past few months, however, I’ve been doing something a little different professionally.  I have been very involved in the International Academy of Collaborative Professionals (IACP) for 15 years in various roles—as a member, committee member/chair, Board member, President, and then back to member. I have had a lot of history with this organization. My involvement recently took a turn I never could have expected, however.

Recent IACP Leadership History

Earlier this year, the CEO hired last year by the IACP resigned – which was actually a good thing, as she was not who she said she was and definitely was not capable of doing what she said she could do.  Having been through this unfortunate experience, however, the organization is understandably being careful about choosing a replacement. Read More >>

Resources for Children During a Divorce

Today there are many helpful resources for children during a divorce. This was not always the case. In years past, when divorce was not as common, children of divorcing parents often found themselves isolated and unable to connect with others who could understand. The stigma of their parents’ divorce was often humiliating, especially since most of their friends’ parents were still together. Read More >>

Taking Care of Yourself

Divorcing parents have a lot to juggle, between emotional turmoil, financial stress, and significant physical changes such as a move.

When children are in the picture, it becomes even more challenging to navigate the shifting relational scene. While it is unrealistic to hope children will emerge completely unscathed from a divorce, considerate parents should want to spare their children as much heartache, confusion, and guilt as possible. Read More >>

Preferred Dispute Resolution Methods

Are Mediation and Collaborative Practice Alternate or Preferred Dispute Resolution Methods?Mediation and Collaborative Practice have long been considered “alternate” dispute resolution methods.Those who practice these professions, however, have argued that these methods should actually be the “go to” approach for couples seeking to work through their divorce, with litigation only being a last resort if the parties cannot work out their differences among themselves. Read More >>

Working with Therapists or Marriage Counselors During Divorce Mediation

While not essential to the process, working with therapists or marriage counselors during divorce Mediation can be tremendously helpful for couples who are trying to process the emotional aspects of divorce. The work of therapists/counselors and Mediators is not mutually exclusive.

Considering a Divorce While Working with a Therapist

If you are already working with a therapist, you know how useful s/he can be in helping you sort out your emotions and work through the realities of your situation. It is important to take some time to sort through what you are experiencing in your marriage before you decide to move ahead one way or another. Read More >>

Divorce Mediation – Reduce Divorce Costs and Minimize Emotional Toll

You may be wondering, if divorce is already costly, why spend money on divorce mediation?

“Divorce mediation helps to reduce some of the costs and minimize the emotional toll of divorce.”

The Cost of Divorce

Let’s face it – by its very nature, nothing about the divorce process comes inexpensively. Spouses starting out with one household that may have already been on a tight budget are now creating two households. That means they will need two sets of furniture, two kitchens, and two of just about everything else. Add to that legal fees, expert fees, etc. and one can begin to see just how quickly expenses can mount. Read More >>